Help others reach their 111th birthday

Eleventy-one years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable folks. As the three of us get together to celebrate our 111th birthday, we don't ask for presents for ourselves. Your presence is present enough. (Sigh.) While you prepare your attendance in your fanciest frocks and tastiest tuxes, take a moment to think about balls. Yes, the hairy sacks, the bro-varies the messieurs Bojangles. No, stop. That's too much you filthy devil, you. Instead, please drop your hard-earned cash drop to support cancer research.